This is my musical goodbye to Avon. Sing-a-long if you like!

Ghost Products in the Sky
by Birdie Jaworski

A catalogue was coming out one dark and windy day,
but I don't care, 'cause that's not where I'll ever get my pay.
Now don't you know, that every time those shiny products came,
I hustled Avon everywhere, that's how I got my fame.

Some brands ain't got no fire, and their lines have no appeal.
My manager assured me that ol' Avon was sooo real.
A bolt of fear went through me when I knocked on that first door.
But truth be told it got too old, I couldn't push no more.

Yipie Yi-ay.... Yipee Yi-oh..... Ghost Products In The Sky.....

Once I wrote a thousand words of things gone right and wrong,
I showed a brand new universe with every ding and dong.
Avon is the greatest, won't you buy my products please.
Avon is a lifestyle, the new recruit believes.

Yipee Yi-ay.... Yipee Yi-oh..... Ghost Products In The Sky.....

I talked a million women into selling Lift and Tuck,
they trusted me to tell the truth so they could make a buck,
and sure enough, they moved the stuff, and Avon's bottom line
increased in size, Bust Sculpt applied to every single dime.

Yipee Yi-ay.... Yipee Yi-oh..... Ghost Products In The Sky.....

I did my best for Avon, made it fun, something to try,
but when I checked my e-mail, I let out a great big sigh.
Avon never told me that my stories did them good,
but I kept writing anyway, because I thought I should.

Yipee Yi-ay.... Yipee Yi-oh..... Ghost Products In The Sky.....

Now Avon did a lot for me, in ways they'll never know,
or understand, or comprehend, like where I get my glow.
It's not from any product, any "thing" that I apply.
My customers, taught to me, there's more than sell and buy.

Yipee Yi-ay.... Yipee Yi-oh..... Ghost Products In The Sky.....

That catalogue's now fadin' in the sun, I'm glad to say.
My lipstick's left my holster and my blush has gone astray.
Ladies, listen to me, when I tell you what I know,
Skin So Soft can coat your legs, don't let it coat your soul.


Yipee Yi-ay.... Yipee Yi-oh..... Ghost Products In The Sky.....

I wax the back of my Turkish friend.

Real-life story by Birdie Jaworski.

My youngest son was suspended from school for reciting his own Star Trek version of the Pledge of Allegiance. Here's our story!

Frankie the pot-bellied pig comes to live at my home!

Real-life story by Birdie Jaworski.

I have a deep love for all things Star Trek, and so do my two young boys. This is the story of our trip to the San Diego Comic-Con, and how it changed my youngest boy's life.

Native American flute music performed by Birdie Jaworski.

I meet an old Hungarian woman with Olympic aspirations.

Real-life story by Birdie Jaworski.

Birdie meets a customer wearing NO PANTS! What does an innocent Avon Lady do?

My son brings .... Avon.... for Show and Tell at school! What happens when his teacher discovers he's brought a men's product to share? Listen and find out!

Real-life story by Birdie Jaworski

Hello.... I'm Birdie Jaworski

The Avon Prison Blues
© me, apologies to J. Cash

 

I hear the truck a comin'
the delivery man's my friend,
and I'll be packin' product till late at night again,
I'm stuck in Campaign Seven, and Eight is on its way,
so keep that lipstick rollin', girls use it every day.

When I was just a baby my mama told me, Hon,
always wear your lipstick , don't leave your hair undone.
But I lost my 'do in Reno, just to watch it fly,
so when I ring your doorbell, just open up and buy.

I bet there's rich gals sitting in a fancy hair salon.
They're probably tellin' gossip, reading Cosmopoliton,
Well I hope they know what's coming, you know it can't be cheap,
to keep those women lookin'
like what a man would keep.

Well if they'd give a call to Avon,
if that business was all mine,
I bet I'd move just a little further up the line.
Far from Campaign Seven, that's where I want to stay
and keep that lonesome driver, truckin' down my way....